“Oh no, Timothy Chalamet smoked a cigarette!” Cried The Girl With A Juul In Her Hand
By: Mirna Benavente
BREAKING NEWS: TIMOTHEE CHALAMET WAS SEEN SMOKING A CIGARETTE AT MOTHER BEYONCE’S RENAISSANCE SHOW!!!
Actually, scratch that, reverse it.
Your skinny little french boy smokes. What. A. Shocker! See, while people say they need a cigarette after a stressful situation, this man was the only one brave enough to quiet up, listen down, and light up his fag. Although, what kind of stress can you have at a Beyonce show is beyond what my non-famous mind can comprehend (maybe the delay of Dune 2?).
Yet this so-called “discovery” caused a number of his fans to create an uproar when he was spotted smoking. It’s a type of over-reacting I haven’t seen since a previous One Direction band member - who I’ll refrain from naming to preserve his anonymity - was seen also smoking it up (they’re BRITISH). On the bright side, it did come with these truly unhinged picollages begging the poor man to stop.
I also had an uncle die (for different reasons) and you don’t see me begging Nick Jonas to take care of himself (but for real, Nick, please take care of yourself, I can’t take another Jonas loss).
Regardless, a little nicotine is good for the arts. Before weed hit the streets, a pack a day helped artists churn out true art. Lady Gaga needed to “free [her] mind a little bit” in order to write Poker Face and the gay anthem Born This Way.
And Gweneth Paltrow needed her weekly American Spirit cig. How else would a genius like her have the time to simultaneously be in Spider-Man: Homecoming (which she forgot about) AND come up with her pussy candles. Only a true nicotine filled artist can do what she did.
Timothee likely smoked his little cigarettes on the set of Call Me By Your Name while Armie Hammer was chewing something other than tobacco. Him and Florence Pugh likely had to share a cigarette after their electric performance in Little Women. So Timothee isn’t wrong for doing what he did. He gets to join an even greater group of talented Hollywood elites.
By the way, this is NOT an ad for nicotine. I’m actually a part of the minority that typically refrains from smoking substances. It’s very bad for your lungs (that’s why I do edibles). Instead, I say we go back to our roots and bring back alcoholism!