BU Implements Soap Cutting ASMR Videos Into Lectures
Written by Ian Krockel
CAS – President Freeman just announced this afternoon that his first order of business will be a major change to all schoolwide curriculum. Beginning early next week, large 4K UHD televisions will be installed into every classroom as part of BU’s new “Not Bad, iPad (Kid)” Initiative, which allows students to view soap cutting ASMR videos, among others, alongside their lecture. This follows a long string of environmentally-conscious and student-focused programs at BU with interesting rhymes, such as the “Choose to Reuse” reusable container campaign and subsequent “Quease with Ease” program to handle reports of food poisoning as a result of alleged uncleaned containers.
“I believe that this will motivate students, because would you LOOK at the way that pink soap cuts up! Soooo satisfying!” said President Freeman seated at his desk, pointing at a video displayed on one of the new TVs behind him. There were a total of five screens behind him, each playing a different kind of soap cutting ASMR video. One featured a modified form of Subway Surfers, with Rhett the Terrier traversing from train to train on the B-Line of the T. He then emphasized, “Literally, SO satisfying.” The content displayed on the screens will vary by course and school, from slime ASMR in 200-and-beyond level Chemistry classes, to those videos of bottles rolling down the stairs in Questrom.
This is anticipated to increase class attendance across BU by 67.8%, as students will finally feel their tuition money is going to good use and not towards another 17 floor expansion of the CDS building (note: this plan in particular is set for the 2024-2025 school year).
“Oh, that’s new? I thought every class had that already,” inquired Johanna Stevenson (CGS ‘27) after hearing about the initiative. Students in the College of General Studies may not feel impacted by this change, as a similar program in the school has been in place for several years now. Most classes already feature a screen displaying dancing fruit sensory videos alongside lectures to supplement a ‘Creativity/Innovation’ Hub credit. Stevenson then exclaimed, “Guess I’m ahead of everyone then! YIPEE!” before asking our interviewer if they knew she would be going to London next summer.
President Freeman also announced a $15,900 increase in tuition for the following school year to account for the televisions being installed in every classroom, however, promises the rewards will be “so aesthetic!”
Editor’s Note: It appears that the modified version of Subway Surfers playing in President Freeman’s office was actually a Channel 10 News livestream following Rhett as he wreaked havoc jumping from train to train. Rhett is now under police custody and is facing up to 80 years in prison on charges of civil disobedience, disturbing the peace, assault, and third-degree murder.