“I wouldn’t call myself a martyr just cause I didn’t want any morphine,” Questroom student after getting stabbed 12 times near Kenmore

Written by Alex Johnson

Sometimes it’s best to leave some things unsaid, especially when you’re posted up in a freshman-infested dining hall. One BU sophomore found this out the hard way, when she stepped foot into Warren Dining Hall during prime dining hours–A.K.A. the prisoners’ recess time.

Apart from consistently being the worst dining hall on BU’s campus, Laura Shern (CAS ‘26) realized that Warren, as a whole, is essentially a breeding ground for incels.

Shern, a first year Resident Assistant at Warren Towers, was feeling particularly optimistic heading into the long holiday weekend without the worry of being on-call. However, her good mood soon soured after one of her residents invited themselves to sit with her.

Shern expressed her surprise with his sudden intrusion, “I think he’s a freshman in Questroom? I’m honestly not sure–we only met once!” The RA was left speechless after her resident began recounting stories and events from his life. One of his more troubling encounters happened a couple of weeks prior, when the Questroom student was supposedly stabbed a dozen times near Kenmore. This is following reports of numerous attempted robberies on campus; similar to an incident last month, the freshman student was approached and jumped by several individuals, leading to his inflictions. “He was probably intoxicated. He told me alcohol is good for the liver and weed good for the lungs. Even though it was only 5 o'clock in the afternoon, I could smell vodka on his breath,” Shern asserts disapprovingly. Shern isn’t sure what prompted the attack, but is certain it has to do with his charming personality. 

“I wasn’t really sure how to respond. I tried to tell him I had to leave but he grabbed my phone out of my hand and told me to finish my food. I didn’t know what to do so I just listened and sat back down,” Shern spurted out, seemingly shaken. The freshman then proceeded to lift up his hoodie to reveal his “battle scars”.

According to Laura, the business major refused to go to the hospital because he “didn’t want his ops to know they got to him.”

“He has a reputation to uphold…I kinda respect that,” Shern admits.

“Passerbys approached me after asking if I was okay, and one of my friends who overheard bits and pieces of the conversation texted asking if I needed help getting out of a ‘first date’. Honestly I was just happy the whole ordeal was over, especially since he started dropping the N-word every other sentence! He was saying it more than I’ve ever said it in my life and I’m Ghanaian! 

Shern says she would love to eat at other dining halls to avoid this man but Warren is just so convenient and she’s reportedly “lazy as a motherfucker.”

The freshman, who declined to give their name when approached by reporters, believes everyone is overreacting. “I mean I wouldn’t call myself a martyr or anything just cause I didn’t want any morphine,” he proclaimed, seemingly unphased by his attack, or the various others around campus. When asked about his use of the slur, Business Boy defended himself: “I’m black from the waist down and plus, isn’t everyone from Africa anyways?”