Move Over Gaylors: I Think Bebe Rexha's Asexual

By: Piper Hope

As a global superstar, Taylor Swift being gay would mean incredible things for the LBGT (Liberty Beers Guns Trump)+ community. But if we really take a long hard look at that 5 '11'’ blonde goddess, we’ll see maybe the most heterosexual woman on the planet. Gays, as a community, we need to stop focusing on delusions and start focusing on something very real: Bebe Rexha is asexual. Has she ever confirmed this? No. But I know it for a fact, and it’s MUCH more plausible. 

According to whodatedwho.com, Bebe Rexha has been in four public relationships. The first two are with men I don’t even recognize, so I’m just going to assume their pictures were AI-generated (enter: generic Man). The third is a listing for Calvin Harris. Who knew Bebe and Taylor were spit sisters… or are they?  Calvin Harris famously went on a Twitter rant about bearding in 2018. The public assumed this was about his recent ex Taylor Swift. Still, perhaps he was lamenting because he was about to enter a PR relationship with a woman who would be repulsed by the thought of touching him – and NOT just because he’s Calvin Harris (yuck!). 

The fourth relationship listed is with Pitbull, which does make sense. If one was to have a relationship with Pitbull, Mister WORLDWIDE, it would be like a relationship with a deity. I couldn’t even touch him. I couldn’t even perceive him. This is perfect for Bebe because she doesn’t fuck with touching. She doesn’t fuck, full stop. 

Her asexuality is proudly on display in her music. Her most successful song is with the band Florida Georgia Line, which is like fake country music for… probably virgins. She is actively making music for the virgin community (of which she herself is a part of) to enjoy. The same goes for her song Me, Myself, and I. This song is about how all she doesn’t need sexual partners to feel fulfilled, she’s fine just the way she is! When asked on Twitter what part of history she would like to time travel to, she responded: “I would go to Paris 1940s.” Many were confused as to why she would want to live in war-torn and Nazi-controlled Paris, but I understood her perfectly. The sexual repression women experienced in the 40s would allow Bebe to live her truth as an asexual freely. I can only hope that we can create a world just as idyllic for world-renowned asexual Bebe Rexha – and for her non-famous asexual brothers and sisters!