Bottoms: Movie Of The Year And Other Phrases That Will Never Be A Lie
By: Ces Lodovico
If you’re gay and have an internet connection, chances are you’ve heard of the “horniest, bloodiest, high school movie of the twenty-first century,” according to the Bottoms enjoyers over at Rolling Stone. I saw that movie opening weekend at the Coolidge Corner Theater - objectively the gayest time and place to do so. And god, was it worth it.
Our pride parade of a friend group arrived fitted up half an hour early to ensure that we wouldn’t be breaking our necks in the front row – rightfully so, because that tiny little theater ended up chock full of fairies. Needless to say, Pixie Hollow ate this damn movie up. The things that the girls in there would’ve done to get punched by Rachel Sennott or Ayo Edebiri… the list is probably endless.
Ayo Edebiri stated that her performance as Josie was inspired by Michael Cera, which was incredibly evident in the conversation between her and Isabel in that it made me want to actually kill myself out of secondhand embarrassment. At least she isn’t in love with her cousin à la Arrested Development!
Bottoms is spectacular representation for gay losers like yours truly. Contrary to popular belief, I was not really getting puss in high school – hard to believe, I know. I had a multitude of PJ-style and Josie-style crushes: PJ-style crushes being ones where I’m head over heels for a girl who is just totally not into that, and Josie-style crushes being ones where I’m in love with a girl who is attracted to girls, but she’s dating a fucking guy. I would rather become a quadruple amputee than relive the trials and tribulations of being a queer teenage girl; however, I am microdosing it by listening to Hayley Kiyoko’s old music as I write to really get into that dangerous headspace.
The damn drama between the two main gays was spectacularly executed, because the gay friend groups always have something going on despite being full of self-proclaimed “non-confrontationals”. They’ve been friends for so long, and they’ll continue to be friends – just like me and my produce section of a high school friend group. The gays will always flock to each other, even when closeted. There were no straights left by the end of senior year.
Also, I really enjoyed the depiction of the boys as silly and stupid. Felt really accurate.
The credits rolled with Charli XCX music (of fucking course) and the crowd clapped and cheered as if the cast were in the room. In true Bottoms fashion, I naturally made things homosexually charged and weird after by posting pictures of myself and Hazel with the caption “me and twin!” on my instagram close friends story while unbeknownst to me, one of my LGBT compatriots and movie companions had just added a concerning amount of Ruby Cruz pictures to her “women 🤤🤤🤤” Pinterest board. Fucking oops, I guess.