Me Likey: I spotted the most average man you’ve ever seen
Oooooh, ladies I found the one!!! I spotted this guy in the GSU CityCo line (where I often am on the prowl for suitors), and he was fine!! And by fine I mean so average it’s sexy, ooooh he looked like almost every other white boy with floppy hair AKA every bisexual bitch’s kryptonite. He’s definitely not marriage material, but wowza, is he good enough for probably 3 months (and for a Scorpio venus like me that’s basically going completely domestic).
I just can’t get enough of a guy who seems normal, but probably won’t laugh at any of my references. It just gets me going, imagining what the two of us would look like together: the most meh-looking man next to me, the hot and sexy bisexual woman who is dating this man because she got distracted, looked at his face, and said, “ooooh me likey that dull boy over there.”
Back to the first sighting of my soulmate — the man who will be full-government-named in the girlies’ group chat — he seems to be grabbing a Redbull (sigh, I guess even the most mid man has to have a caffeine issue like all the hot girls I actually have a crush on) and a little snack between studying. I stealthily duck around the CityCo shelves trying to find if he looks better from another angle, but of course he is looking pretty nondescript from all perspectives (BONUS).
Fellas, I have to say, I am growing a tad bored already. Once I grab my giant bag of fruit snacks, I took one last glance at the man who looks like God’s gift to women (He looks like he would be really nice and watch my silly TV shows with me). Back I go to my extremely exciting and fun life where I can kiss all the beautiful people until my heart’s content, but that one man — let’s call him Eric because doesn’t that just seem like it fits — will forever stay in my heart for his luscious locks of brown-ish…or was it sandy blonde… And his eyes were mesmerizing, they were the brightest green…but they could’ve been hazel…or a really light brown.
Oh shit, HOTTIE ALERT! This new, mysterious bachelor just grabbed his Basho order right in front of me, and he is rocking the most basic, dark-rimmed round glasses, hubba hubba. He looks like he studies some kind of engineering that my little woman in COM brain can’t comprehend, but that means he’s probably boring enough to let me pick the movies and plan dates to Trident (so I can single-handedly dominate Glee trivia). I think I hear wedding bells for real this time, awoooga.