DOG WATCH: Places On Campus To See Feet At No Cost
By The Bunion Paper
The dog’s out of the bag: you have a foot fetish. Perhaps you’ve known about it for a while now, or maybe it started as a joke and morphed into reality. Maybe you’re open about your love for the terminal part of a person’s leg, or maybe you’re still denying the cheeky remarks your friends have been making about you since ‘06. Regardless of your situation, I’m not here to kink shame. It’s the 21st century: everyone deserves to be able to express themselves truthfully without fear of humiliation.
However, I know that achieving this self acceptance and actualization can be quite difficult when you lack money (plus the confidence that your bank won’t judge you) to purchase a monthly subscription to OnlyFans. Luckily for you, this campus is full of spots where you can casually observe bare feet without paying a cent.
First, and perhaps the most surprising, is ShitRec (see: FitRec). Of course you have the obvious places to see feet like the BU swimming pool (yes, BU actually has a pool). But, if you want a little more spice in your feet, try heading up to the third floor track. I once saw two men fake sparring next to the punching bags with their dogs completely out! Or, take a stroll to the second floor where you can watch the men with unshaven faces and wife-beaters walk around barefoot, working their triceps and whatever other things gym people do (especially good for fans of hairy toes). If you’re anything like me, you might try to avoid the gym at all costs on account of your crippling fear of gym bros and just generally being perceived. Let your love of feet be your motivation!
Not enough feet for you? No worries! The next spot to go dog hunting is any common room or bathroom in any residence hall. Common rooms are great for seeing someone pace around, toes free and wiggling, while having conversation on speaker phone that should definitely be private. If you’re into athlete's foot, bathrooms and showers are a cesspool of trotter activity for you to enjoy. Wherever you are, pop a squat in some corner of any living space on campus, and the feet will come to you.
Finally, find a nice, sunny bench on your way to class and just wait. You will no doubt see someone raw-dogging Com Ave. Since these brave souls have no fear of tetanus, glass, needles, dead rats, used condoms, or bird shit, you can sit back, relax, and let all your foot-related needs be effortlessly fulfilled.
I sincerely hope you have enjoyed this episode of Dog Watch. Be vigilant wherever you go, because you never know when those delightfully uncaged pieces of flesh will find you to say hello.