Cornering Someone At A Party And Asking If They Hate You, And 7 Other Self Care Hacks
It’s actually really easy and simple to cure your run-of-the-mill anxiety disorder. Just follow The Bunion’s tried and true remedies, and you’ll be the one making other people anxious.
- Reread the syllabus for the 100th time — it’s definitely changed since 30 seconds ago
Sure, a second ago you made sure there wasn’t a project due at midnight, but what if the prof was just testing you? What if they’ve just updated it and included an assignment worth 30% of your grade? You’d better triple check. But don’t get too comfortable — that’s what they want you to do.
- Do your 5 page essay while wearing your blanket hoodie
There’s no better environment to be productive in than the one you’re used to sleeping in. If you have 1000 words due tonight at midnight, there’s no better cure for procrastination than turning on your usb fan, snuggling into bed, and playing TikTok in the background.
- Play your “sad boi hours” playlist without worrying about it showing up on your friends’ Spotify
Did you make it in 2018? Yes. Is it extremely embarrassing? Absolutely. Do you deserve the chance to indulge in the angst without worrying about the social consequences? 100%. It’s 2 a.m. and you deserve some Juice WRLD and Twenty One Pilots. As a treat.
- Go ahead and knock that asshole on the scooter over
You can already hear him. The 6’6” athlete with a nauseatingly red backpack is puttering along on his ridiculous electric scooter. Nevermind that he’s the star player on his team — he can’t be expected to walk to class, much less use the bike lanes. Push him. He’s coming up. Just a little nudge. You can pass it off as an honest mistake, all you need is a little shove to set him off balance. Do it.
- Corner someone at a party and ask if they hate you
Now is the time. The prey’s friends have gone off to the kitchen, and your target is just idling in the corner, basically pleading you to ask. You’ve just met them for the first time tonight and already made five embarrassing comments and non sequiturs. You’ve forgotten their name, major, and hometown, but their opinion is the most important thing in the entire room.
- Text your roommate you “need the room” and just take an hour to cry
They’re just using it to lay in bed, play Instagram reels out loud, and munch on chips with their mouth open anyways. They know you don’t get any, but we can pretend. A mental breakdown doesn’t need any witnesses, so you’re really doing them a favor.
- Get your favorite $7 Starbucks order
You’ve had a long week and want a little drink. And, frankly, you deserve it. Yesterday you got cold-called in class, and this morning you thought about the project due Sunday night for a split second. You’ve earned this triple espresso frap with sprinkles. You probably deserve one tomorrow, too.