Boston Men find Representation in Celtic’s Mascot Lucky the Leprechaun

By Charlotte Tolman

There’s a scary epidemic in this city, one that only could’ve been solved with a growth hormone injection during puberty, or thousands of dollars spent for leg extension surgery…it’s the Boston man’s lack of ability to grow over 5’9. In the media, very few represent this minority, including Bruno Mars, The Jonas Brothers, and Danny Devito. Bostonians, however, only resemble these celebrities in height, but not talent, charisma, or charm. 

At a loss for anyone to look up to, (metaphorically of course, physically there are plenty of options), the beloved Boston Celtics’ mascot provides the perfect solution. Both seem to have an inability to be on the actual basketball roster, but still harbor a love for the game. Here at BU, we see these guys at FitRec, training for the same sad result: getting cut from the team.

Lucky’s ill-fitting outfits also provide a sense of comfort for these guys. It’s almost like they choose suits that are too big for them. While heading out on a frat dress up day, these guys are adorned in oversized long sleeves, and pants that hit the pavement. Fortunately, most do not feel the need to copy Lucky’s color choices, however cult-like fans do. They risk retaining any bit of attractiveness. 

Who could forget, the Irish-ness of it all! Many of these guys are sadly living a real-life version of those Lucky Charms commercials, except they do not find any charms or bring magic to the world. Irish food, a popular cuisine at Boston pubs, is unfortunately very bland. The horrific taste of boiled vegetables and potatoes is reminiscent of these guys’ personalities and looks. 

A girl who went on a date with one of these guys informed me that his idea of 6 '0 over text is the same as him and a friend stacked up on top of each other. Then, he told her “all of my 8 siblings have names that end in y.” She told us “I probably can’t tell anyone in my life that I’m dating a man named “Donny.” The most exciting part of the night was when he got drunk, and in Irish fashion, took his hand off of his drink (also a shock!) and swung at the guy next to him. She forgot that for the Irish, every Saturday is treated in the same high regard as St. Patrick’s Day. 

I don’t think he will be getting lucky anytime soon. Now, these guys are looking to Pat the Patriot for inspiration on how to achieve that dewy complexion!