Trauma Dump: Top 5 Worst Places to Take a Shit on Campus
By Laura Braudis
Everybody poops, but as the funniness of bathroom humor fades with the years, we have all had to face a new reality: shitting is no joke. Because it is our duty to keep the public informed, The Bunion has gathered a list of the worst places to shit on campus. So don’t flush just yet — you could learn a thing or (number) two.
5. Warren Towers
Where each bathroom experience is new but the smells are always old. You try to hold it in for as long as you can while people filter in and out, but these bathrooms are too busy to ever poop in peace. And look at that — someone chose the stall RIGHT NEXT to yours. Did you get a whiff of that stench? Oh wait, that might just be you. At least Warren allows you to eavesdrop on some great conversation while you’re suffering on the toilet seat, or you could observe the gorgeous bathroom scenery (in front of you, “You’re beautiful” written in Sharpie then scratched out with “No ur not lol” written underneath; and below you, silverfish scurrying about).
4. Under the Nickerson Field bleachers
There are some really private and intimate parts under those bleachers, even on the busiest of game days. With all the smells and sounds of the four people who show up to BU sports games, you would think that you can’t go wrong with this location. The big uh oh for crapping here are the rats. Look, rats love feces. As the saying goes, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
3. Greek Rock
This one is a bit of a doozy. Shit here if you dare. The public nature of Greek Rock gives other hotter, less constipated people the permission to judge your poop, and nobody wants that. We often feel self-conscious over our shit. Is it not big enough? Too skinny? Smaller than other people’s? Comparison is the thief of joy, and it’s impossible to not compare at Greek Rock. Plus, you could accidentally be spray-painted on, and nobody wants to walk around looking like they only got halfway into the Blue Man Group. Now that would just be embarrassing.
2. Marsh Plaza
Now this is what we call a holy shit! The Lord has mercy on your spirit, but not on your bowel movements. This location is hell on earth and shitting here means you’ll see the devil himself. Poop here and you’ll even make all the atheists pray to God. The world is your toilet, but for now, the sacred BU seal will do.
1. Inside the Rhett mascot costume
Bow wow! This is a ruff choice but sometimes, shit happens. Literally. Pooping in the costume is private but it sits with you all day, and the experience will probably sit with you for a lifetime. The Rhett costume is always smiling, but that smile is just a grimace from the steaming pile of doo doo inside. It’s a little hard to be man’s best friend when nobody wants to stand next to you for a photo op due to the stench. So do us a favor and avoid the Rhett costume as your toilet bowl at all costs, especially if you wear it post-Basho run. There’s no bones about it – this is the doggone worst place to take a shit on campus.