The Red Wave: Does Your Hobby Deserve a Backpack?
By Ava Doyle
We need to talk about the Red Wave.
Huh??? The Republican Party? The 2024 election? What the fuck are you talking about? No, the real Red Wave. The disturbing number of red “athletic” backpacks on campus. What happened to a nice pastel bag? All of a sudden it seems the amount of eye-fucking red backpacks has increased. The surge has left people pondering questions like: “Did BU bring back its football team?” The real answer is less exciting and significantly less athletic.
This revelation started on my journey back from Canes. I was crossing the street with my to-go order when WHAM! I was sideswiped by a scooter. Tenders and fries littered the ground, and my industrial-sized bucket of Cane’s sauce painted the sidewalk orange. When I came to, a figure was standing over me. Was this God? I took his hand and got back on my feet. As he turned to scooter away I caught a glimpse of that coveted red backpack. No, this wasn’t God. It was a member of the BU…Interpretive Figure Skating team? Hmmm. Ok. That’s……we’re on THIN ice here.
I decided to cut my losses and take the bus back. After sitting down, I pull out my phone to channel all my visceral rage into the New York Times Connections. Suddenly, I see a flash of red, and WHAM! A red backpack straight to the dome. I looked up to see my assaulter. I was just bitchslapped by a member of the……Men's Heavyweight Rock Paper Scissors team?
I couldn’t believe what I had seen. Were these everywhere? I had never taken the time to look at the labels on the bags. This began my crusade to document the backpacks of BU. My journey took me from the expansive athletic fields at West all the way to that one hallway in CAS that smells like piss and chlorine. Here are just a few of the fake sports I found: Men’s Basket Weaving, Whitewater Rafting, Cheese Rolling, Women’s Toe Wrestling, Speed Walking, and Men’s Lacrosse.
It feels like the exclusivity of the red backpack is all but gone. We caught up with Anita Hardcok, a senior athlete, for her comments on the increase, “It feels unfair to those of us who leave our blood, sweat, tears, and several other bodily fluids out there on the field.” When asked about her athletic affiliation, she replied “Oh I’m a member of the BU Binge Drinking team.”