New Mandate in Louisiana Requiring Election Ballots To Be Blessed With Holy Water
By Lila Sverdrup | Photo by Ana Savitt
Remember the moment when you read “Louisiana Becomes First State to Require Ten Commandments in Public Schools” and assumed it was satire? And then you realized it wasn’t? Well, Louisiana is at it again, requiring election ballots to be blessed with holy water. Believe me, THIS IS NOT SATIRE.
Intensifying the current political unrest in America, Louisiana has taken a stance against separating church and state for the second time this year. Although quite evidently opposing federal law and Supreme Court precedent, Louisiana governor Jeff Landry signed the mandate for the upcoming November 5th, 2024 election, commenting, “Why not? We all need more Jesus in our lives!”
When Governor Landry was asked about the secular implications of the decision, he directly addressed the question at hand: “Religion is historical, and our government is historical. The U.S. Constitution mentions God for a reason!” Landry claimed. This reply definitely addresses the fundamental issue at hand and provides accurate information about our country's founding document. Sir.
State House Representative Dodie Horton also weighs in, “If we bless the ballots, there will be no election fraud, and the actual winner will prevail this time!” Horton’s statement heavily suggests that republican candidate and former president Donald Trump is closely tied to the religious community in America.
Widely revered priest Susej EmKcuf (it’s Latin, look it up) stated that he will be blessing ballots in Iberville Parish county remarking, “In the name of God, shall the liberal votes burn in eternal hell!” He further suggested that “God chose Donald Trump to lead his people, much like Jesus,” and pointed to his survival of two assassinations as evidence.
As it was explained to me, Louisianans believe it is Jesus and Jesus alone that protects the American people. God is revealed through Jesus and Jesus is further revealed through Donald Trump. In other words, Trump is the modern-day Jesus, the second messiah, here to save America from the brainwashing of liberal Universities, communist TikTok, and other related social media or forms of knowledge dissemination. Information accessibility seems to be a bad thing in their opinion.
It is not just a Louisianan mentality, many other red state legislatures are intrigued and may want to establish similar Christian-influenced mandates. Consequently, the religious overtone of the upcoming election may cause everyone to love Jesus just a little bit more when Trump wins (because he has to or it’s fake and the election was stolen). Just a reminder… This is a legit thing that will occur on this upcoming election day on November 5th, 2024. THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT SATIRE.