Girl Taking Photos of Bay State Foliage Trips and Falls Into Incoming Traffic

By Lauren Matz | Photo by Emily He

Earlier this week, I was taking a leisurely stroll down Bay State while sipping a fall-flavored latte (hot, not iced, to honor the cooler weather), listening to Elliott Smith, and stepping on crunchy fallen leaves. 

I noticed a girl a little ways ahead of me with her phone out, taking pictures of the street as she walked. I watched her as she adjusted the exposure, trying to achieve the perfect dark-academia-gray-November-autumnal vibe. 

Suddenly, as she stared intently at her phone screen, she tripped on the jutted out, janky-ass Bay State sidewalk, stumbling right into the street just as a Tesla cybertruck barreled toward her at full speed. She staggered back, doing an entire backflip onto the asphalt. Charlie Brown ass fall. I dropped my latte, narrowly escaping a second-degree burn as the pumpkin-spiced liquid splashed all over the pavement. Then, I sprinted into the road, catching her and pulling her back onto the sidewalk just as the asshole driver floored it and flew past us. 

From across the street, a frat boy yelled, “You ladies okay?” I gave him two thumbs up. Shit. I dropped her. 

I reached down and scooped her back up. Then, I brushed the crunched leaves out of her hair. Shit! I dropped her again. This time she even bounced a bit. Did I just dribble her? Damn, she’s cool as fuck.

Suddenly, the frat boy circled back around on his scooter, nearly flattening her like a pancake. All I thought was, “ow!” And also, “why is he wearing open-toed shoes?”

She jumped back up. “That was incredible. You saved my life. I literally fell for you,” she said as she stared into my eyes, blushing. I just shrugged. It’s what anyone would do.

“Can I make that coffee up to you?” she asked.

“I’d love nothing more.” I stood up, dusted off my jeans, and reached out my hand to help her up so the two of us could head to a different Pavement. 

All this to say, beware of the Bay State pavement. Or don’t. It’s cuffing season, after all.