How To Make Christian Girl Autumn Your Bitch

By Madi Forrest | Photo by Maddy O’Leary

Pumpkin spice, and a vape of black ice–that is what she is made of.

She is her, like how he is him, but with a better Instagram and reputation.

She is awakened when the leaves begin to crisp, and the air is just chill enough to justify her first PSL, or Pumpkin Spice Latte for the ignorant.

That first sip calls on all cardigan wearing queens to rise from their summer hibernations; the time is now, and they will let it be known. 

Chunky scarves, wide brim hats, tall boots, and candid expressions begin to thaw as the temperature decreases.  

Living, laughing, and loving are back on the scene, and Instagram feeds begin to turn to an autumnal hue. 

A photo of a classy smirk and a classic tight woolen mitten grip on a warm PSL is uploaded to the gram. She looks flawless; her fans receive her well.

But how do you wake up just like this? #nofilter

The magic of Christian Girl Autumn is in all of us–if you’re willing to believe.

It’s actually like Santa, or the spirit of Christmas in a lot of ways.

She slays rather than sleighs, but for both idols the uniforms are standard and expected, there are jolly little phrases or biblical references, good quality boots, and a sweet treat and bev.

They move in silence, both possessing an intrinsic artisanal mastery of presents and presence, and of course, they irresistibly draw the masses to the holy trifecta of Marshalls, TJ Maxx, and Home Goods to buy everything in sight according to the season.

I urge you to head to your nearest Trader Joes and stock up on all pumpkin seasonal goodies you encounter. You will use many bags, but these products are transferable to valuable vibes. 

So, to make this season your bitch, grab a PSL, throw on your chunkiest scarf, and simply embrace Christian Girl Autumn for all she has to offer. Your future awaits, and your social media’s seasonal rebrand is already yours, if you simply believe <3.