Here’s How Challengers Can Still Win at the Oscars

Article and Photo by Lauren Matz

Who else woke up on Oscar nominations day and thought, is The Academy on CRACK?? I can’t be the only person who watched Challengers six times in 2024 and thought, “Wow. This is the movie magic Nicole Kidman was talking about.”

Even though things look dismal for Challengers at the moment, I firmly believe that with the power of friendship, pixie dust, and hot pathetic men, they can still win an Oscar. 

First idea: we pull a Moonlight/La La Land-esque swap. Let’s just stuff the Best Picture and Best Score envelopes and hopefully no one notices. After all, maybe once Challengers is read out, everyone will forget it wasn’t nominated in the first place. I can picture people hearing it and thinking, “Yeah! That score was a total earworm!” and “You’re right! That was the only movie I rated five stars in 2024!” and “Wait, yeah, what the fuck IS Emilia Perez?” 

That probably wouldn’t work. Ugh. Maybe I’m just deluded with visions of tennis courts and Josh O’Connor’s leg muscles and Zendaya in her little tennis outfits and Mike Faist all sweaty and hot and bothered and– wait, what was I talking about?

Okay, new idea. We resort to the tried and true: Etsy spells. Listen, I think if we all pool our money we can invest in a really good one and rig the competition. Call me Clairo the way I’m CHARMING this shit!

And lastly, if all else fails, we could kidnap every member of The Academy and call in Mike Faist and Josh O’Connor to play good cop/bad cop and talk them into changing their minds while Zendaya stands menacingly behind holding a bucket of water… for waterboarding purposes…

Either way, I’m boycotting the Oscars, period. I’m gonna stand outside and pull an Olivia Wilde:

“To stand up for justice! To stand up for cinema! Emilia Perez is not a legitimate Oscars contender! Emilia Perez is not cinema! We love cinema! That’s it. *satisfied nod*”