I Make My Laptop Screensavers Really Embarrassing Then Sit in the Front of My Classes to Torture Myself

By Ariana Beck | Photo by Ana Savitt

When I tell anyone about my life they ask me how I am so happy. Every time they ask I tell them that mindset is everything. After I give them a deep dive into my thought process, I am asked if I have any outlets. I do. There is one thing. Many people unload their stress by punching things. Some people journal. Not me. Not I. I make my 15in laptop screen saver something really really embarrassing and then sit in the front of my class. Every time. If you do not see me in the first three rows, it isn’t me.

 I sit in my ad class and look around. The CGS freshmen next to me opens her laptop to reveal her screensaver, a picture perfect forest. Bold brown bark. Leaves, so vibrantly green. As she logs into her laptop her home screen saver is different. This screen is set to a light pink with gold words over it that read "Dream big, sparkle more, and shine brighter than a disco ball."

I am sat. at least 100 people behind me. I open my laptop. It is Justin Bieber with his shirt off and a fuck boy face on. 

I let out a sigh. I always forget what I have done. The girl to my right, LYNDSAI, looks at my laptop, looks at me, back to my laptop, then points and laughs louder than any laugh I have ever heard. She looks me dead in the eye and really seriously says, “I think you are stupid and dumb and not funny and I am going to do my darndest to humiliate you.” 

Lynsdai stands up. “Attention!! Attention COM CM69. This degenerate, Ariana Beck, is stupid. I hate her. She has Justin Bieber as a screensaver.” She sits back down. 

Whatever. I don’t let her phase me. I go home, take a shower, make out with my roommate, and hit the hay. I wake up the next day. “Ugh!” I pant. I whip open my laptop and change my screensaver.

I walk into my intro to straight studies. I sit down. I open my laptop. I am casually showing my friend something on my phone when my professor comes behind me. She looks at my screensaver. “Ariana.. What is your screen saver?” she asks judgingly. Oh my god. “It is Sal Vulcano kissing Donald Trump while calling him his kitten,” I respond. 

“Ariana.. You are such a character,” she responds. (This entire paragraph is 100% true sadly. Just wasn’t a straight studies class. Although I should prob take that class tho. Haha. cause im gay. Do you get it. Do you think its funny. Do you think i’m funny? Can you please dm me @reaganbk018 on instagram and tell me i am funny if you read this and think I am funny).