Dora Failed Us: This Generation Cannot Spot Red Flags

By Willa Norvell | Photo by Lauren Matz

College campuses have witnessed a disturbing influx of students not only ignoring red flag behavior amongst their peers, but exhibiting it as well over the past two years. On Boston University campus alone, hundreds of students have been carrying out disturbing practices, such as using communal showers by almost wearing shower shoes and then taking them off right before they step inside, and that’s just the beginning. These actions have caused professors and parents alike to reflect on what we may have missed as a society, or rather what outside media influences failed to teach.

Childhood shows have become the target for blame, receiving countless attacks for an inability to illustrate healthy behavior. After her own television show aired for 19 years, Nickelodeon star Dora the Explorer (who is now in her mid twenties) released a public statement on claims of the ineffectiveness of her educational lessons. 

“What more could I have done? I did not think that 2000s babies were so stupid. I would give plenty of time for them to spot the inconsistencies in the frame. Can you spot this? Can you spot that? GET THOSE OJOS CHECKED!” 

Other child stars have begun to speak out in support of Dora’s remarks. Here they offer their two cents on what these accusations have created, including the horrible treatment they now face for this criticism:

“Elmo used to work on Sesame Street. Now Elmo lives on the street.” - Elmo (Sesame Street) 

“We were only given 104 days to teach the kids to use their time wisely. All they decided to do was make thirst traps of a fedora wearing platypus. That's scarier than having a grown adult scientist obsessed with you.” - Phineas and Ferb (self titled) 

“Oo oo ah ah.” - Curious George (self titled)

“Yes, we spent some time in a cell or two after taking our rage out on some due to these accusations. Honestly though, we were lucky to have someone trap us and feed us carrots and lettuce. Now we just hop from place to place.” - Max and Ruby (self titled) 

“I’ve begun to prostitute myself. Scrub Daddy and Mommy are popular but I didn’t have to build my brand. People know who I am. Well, now for a different reason.” - Spongebob (self titled) 

These are only a few of the main cast members who will be featured in the new documentary “Not Taking This P-B.S.” available on Disney+ this spring. Besides refuting the blame for the idiocracy of the new adult generation, they will cover the difficulties of post stardom in more depth. Turns out that if you are animated, they only give you 2D monetary compensation, and no one taught Calliou how to use crypto. Many of these prominent figures have been posting GoFundMes in Instagram Reels that falsely advertise that the money would go to a hurt puppy, in the hopes that some Gen Z will be manipulated into providing reparations.

This Sunday, the cast will be organizing an internationally televised event to publicize their remarks and film. They will be waving white flags to symbolize that they do not surrender to the press, and that this is only the beginning of teaching their viewers a real lesson.