“But Daddy, I Love Him,” Fallen for the 40-Year-Old Professor With That Salt-n-Pepper Thang Going On
By Anonymous Ass-Eater (*wink wink* Dr. D) | Photo by Yara Ahmed
“Take On The World (Theme Song from ‘Girl Meets World’)” was the song that gave me the courage to “take on the world” and make my move on my new beau. Well…former beau. Aside from burglary, harassment, and impersonating an officer of the law, I also got handed the reputation of “not handling break-ups well.”
It all started in my PS 333 class—Drugs and Behavior. You might say I found the drug that changed my behavior, changed my life, for the better. He’s about average height, but here me out, HEAR ME OUT! Mans has a bleached buzz cut and when he talks, it’s like a siren’s call. I’m hypnotized when he mentions neurotransmitters and reuptake and whatever else he says. I don’t even know. I was too busy writing our names in cursive swirls to pay attention to that shit.
But it was the 21st day of September and I was missing Wendy Williams. I waltzed into class, excited to show Dr. Daddy D. my impersonation of Lady Wendy Liberty. In true fashion, I timed out my planned stroke and fell like a distressed damsel right into his strong arms. In his embrace, I swear I felt a chocolate bar, or something, but most importantly, I felt home.
That embrace had me all kinds of fucked up. I stayed trying to get him off my mind. With every distraction, it was only made worse. I found a connection in everything. In the songs I pretended I could sing, I saw the life we lived. In the work I tried to avoid, I imagined him as my motivator standing at his cute ass little podium. Long story short, I just wanted to deliver a letter. He chose to see it as “creepy and obsessive,” but I choose to see it as pious, ‘cause I do all things through God.
Anyways, when I broke into his Cambridge home at 3:47AM, God decided that his wife needed to call the cops on me and now I’m in jail. Another wrongfully incarcerated Black man…smh
When my dad came to visit me in the slammer, I asked if he could read one last letter through the plexiglass. “My boy Shanking Shaq’s gonna help me break out and deliver it tonight.”
Each night since I’ve been expelled from BU I could feel tears blur my vision
I carved “I’m sorry” into the concrete walls. It reminds me of Warren.
You would’ve loved my room…And my bed.
I recall your comforting embrace as I passed out
into your arms during my impression of Lady Liberty Wendy Williams and
the feeling of your bulge.
Because of you, I finally felt that fire of true love. We
were a combustion, violently beautiful Daddy, we were so hot! So hot that I just
know you feel the remnants of our love.
So take the pieces, hold it close to your heart—in a locket, forever connected, like
lint in a pocket.
Just promise I’ll still feel you. I’ll be in peace, though a piece of me may
hate you—may haunt you—for letting me go.
With teary eyes, my dad had only one question: “When are you bringing him home to mom?"