Hitting From the Back2BU: Ranking BU Buildings on How They’d Feel in My Ass!
By Cam Hoff
Listen here Bunion Babies and Fanatics, Mama Cam has returned to campus and is hankering something strange, something different, something to turn his whole world upside down. One can only eat so much dick, cock, and/or schlong before getting bored. No one and no thing can satiate my illustrious hole and I any longer. The hibernation period has past and my hole is ready to search and destroy for something- anything- that can give her the sensation she so desperately craves. The only option for her? BU Buildings. Which ones would feel the best and which ones would feel the worst? Well, I just don’t know, but my hole?! Is ready to tell-all. So, sit down, grab some lube, stick that finger in, and let's get riding.
Number 5 - Questrom
We all know business and bussy don't mix, but how about business in my bussy? Well. It’s sufficient to say we should keep those separated too. Questrom and her infamous doors, those big glass gates being pushed by the students. Did you know they swivel on their axis even when not being pushed? Those doors might have scraped my anal cavity clean, but I won’t forget the scars. Not only that, I got popcorn lung from all those damn questrom smokers! Do not put Questrom in your ass. It is NOT worth it.
Number 4 - Warren Towers (Special Shoutout: C)
I have always wondered what it would feel like to have three ding-a-dongs in me at the same time. And, finally, I know! And my verdict is… meh. I guess three rods doesn’t inherently make it better than one. It was just too much, so much stuff going on, and the screams of the students coated in a sudden and perpetual darkness didn’t make it much better. And seeing my skid marks on the window after sure didn’t feel good. This is ranked above questrom because the C tower and I shared an intimate moment back in my freshman year. Her un-AC’d kitty-kat meow meow kept me warm through winter.
Number 3 - Law Building
Who cares about the Law Building? I know I know she’s irrelevant, she’s used-up, she’s tired, haggard and dry, I hear you, each and every one. But what other building is as phallic shaped as her? What other building has a seat to cushion your fall after landing on her fierce shaft? What other building has as many gender-neutral bathrooms so you can pee in private to make sure you don’t get a UTI after she erupts your load with more passion and love that you have ever experienced before. I can’t think of any other place other than the BU law building. Underrepresented and underused.
Number 2 - Agganis Arena
Now this one might seem a little confusing. How am I supposed to stretch my eeny-meeny tiny little feminine hole over the entirety of Agganis Arena? Well, you either have a super-stretcher hole or not, and Mama Cam has a god-damn super stretcher hole. And Mama Cam put it to god-damn use. The cold air escaping the vents? Tantalizing. The vibration of a charging zamboni? Titillating. The only thing keeping Agganis Arena from number 1 is the metal detectors won’t stop going off at my Prince Albert. But that could be a pro for someone else.
Number 1 - The College Of Data Science
What is there to say here? I’m not normal, I wear a beanie every single second of the day every day of the year. I’m fucked up, no one gets me, but she does. Her irregularity spurs my soul, placating my roaring mind into regularity. Put them jenga blocks in my bussy bitch. Make it quick and keep 'em coming. One block after another vacuuming them up with my sucking hole. Then put it in reverse and launch them bricks back out, all the way into a brown oblivion. God fucking damn it. I can’t keep her off my mind and you won’t be able to either.
Well in summary, get to work and keep that hole stretched. That’s it. Bye! Love you! <3 -Mama Cam