My Harrowing Journey from East to the Canes on West
If you live in East - South even! - you know just how far Raising Canes is from you. But it’s worth it, they take dining points! And sometimes, the mediocrity of Bay State Underground just isn’t the vibe. Also, they open at 9 and while it might be pitch black outside, it’s only 5 PM so Underground isn’t even an option. So instead, I put in my little order in advance on the Grubhub app - a box combo, no drink because I will not be carrying that hoe across campus - and leave the cushy, poorly insulated Brownstone I live in and start the long trek to West. There are two people in front of me in the queue, perfect!
At first, the trip was pleasant. After all, I live on Bay State! There’s a reason BU only posts them on their Instagram in the fall - it's pretty! Yet the journey grows weird once I step out of Bay State and onto Comm Ave. Three figures approach me and I think I’m done for. They’re gonna give me a pamphlet and try to convert me. But alas, it’s even worse. The three figures seem… transparent? Oh no! They’re the ghosts from A Christmas Carol!
The first one approaches me - the ghost of Cane's Past. They’ve rebranded just for my story. “Remember last time you bought Canes? You got the chicken ick and ended up only eating 1 & ½ chicken tenders.” Fuck, they’re right. I became too aware that I was eating chicken and it started to taste like chicken. The chicken ick.
Deeming their job complete, they allow for the next ghost to step up to base: the ghost of Canes Present. “You can still turn back, save yourself! You’ve yet to reach the slight incline slope in front of Agganis that ruins your previously nice, flat walk. You hate that slope.” I do really hate that slope. And I’d also not pass FitRec, which makes me feel like shit passing it to get to the Canes.
To deal the finishing blow, the last ghost taps in - the ghost of Canes Future. “You will make this trek - totaling almost an hour long - only to end up eating cold chicken by yourself in your dorm. You should’ve just gone to Marcianos. The food might be mid, but at least it’s lukewarm.” My Canes is always cold when I get back to my room, but I hate eating in public too much to eat somewhere else.
Even with all their warnings in my mind, I prevailed. As I passed CSG, I was once again accosted by another group of figures. I realize too late who they are: the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse. Each one riding their own thing - conquest on a bicycle, war on a skateboard, hunger on an electric scooter, and death on a unicycle. Each riding on a mode of transport of their choice that would draw the least amount of attention on a college campus.
At this point, I’m honestly more annoyed than anything. Who are they to give me a message about an impending tragedy when I simply want some low-key dry chicken. Instead of dignifying them with the attention they so clearly want, I ignore them. I refuse to make eye contact with them and just start fast walking past them. Yet, they don’t get the hint. Instead, I hear them begin to follow me. Seeing as I had already pre-ordered my meal, it was too late to go back to my room. So I started running. I ran faster than any person ever has. I only had one thought in my head. I. Am. Speed.
Once I lost the 4 weirdos, I arrived in the motherland. Canes! The line is long. Too long. But thankfully, I had already pre-ordered my delicious ambrosia that should be ready by now - it’s a 25-minute walk! Yet as I look at my phone for the first time since leaving my room I notice the worst - my order is still in the queue behind the 2 people.