BU therapist asks, “Have you tried edging?”

By Jaclyn DiMatteo

You may think that SHS stands for student health services but it actually stands for SEXY Hump Services.

I walked into that behavioral health office so incredibly mentally unwell I was frothing at the mouth for therapy. I met my therapist and she was so mommy I instantly sat in her lap where she immediately started stroking my hair. 

I tell her, “I’m so emo these days I can’t even get my rocks off anymore.”

She looks at me inquisitively and then says “....huh?”

“Doc, I can’t flick the mean lean fighting machine capital B Bean. My cooch is a desert when it should be an oasis. The vibrator in my soul has died and I metaphorically lost its charger! You haaaave to help me!”

“Oh my sweet little baby,” she whispers into my neck, “I do in fact have a question for you and it’s not ‘tell me about your relationship with your mom’”

(Better not be because I hate that question.)

“Have you tried edging?”

The lights begin to flicker in the office. A glass cup shatters on the coffee table. The walls start oozing out blood. I hear a vaguely witchy cackle ring through my ears and my therapist’s eyes have gone completely black. She grabs my face with her hand and stares into my soul.

*In demon little goblin leprechaun voice* *She also gets up and starts to do a little jig*

“HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEH I am the Edging Demon!” she exclaims, twerking now, “I hop from body to body fOrcing my hosts to Eternally Edge themselves! Mwahahahhaha!!!”

This EdgeLord leaves my therapist’s body and dives down my throat into my body. Not to flex but I don’t even gag at this action.

This edging demon was obviously not that good of a therapist because it didn't listen when I said there is no meat beating going on in this host's body. 

But,,, what’s this? Oh my… Oh wow. I’m suddenly horny again! This edging demon literally cured my depression (take that SSRIs) and all I had to do was never cum again! 

Oh wait…