"Huh?: Girl Who Never Shows Up to Lectures Shocked by Midterm Score of 30%"

By: Ian Krockel

WARREN DINING HALL – This afternoon, Freshman Victoria Adams (CAS ‘27) was found sobbing over her midterm score in one of the sought-after booth tables in the back of Warren Dining Hall. The midterm in question, for an introductory level psychology class, was reported to be, “not that bad,” and, “cake,” by eyewitnesses, much to Adams’ dismay. 

Her score was returned to her just a short while earlier by her reluctant TA Melanie, who had this to say: “The question asked her to argue to the extent of which you agree with Freud’s theory of psychoanalysis. She drew a heart, a smiley face, and doodled two stick figures holding each other’s hands!”

“The only reason she didn’t get a 0 is because she put long hair on one of the stick figures, so I interpreted it as a reference to an Oedipus complex between a mother and son,” she added.

Inside sources report that Adams received as low as a 30% on her midterm. One student’s service animal, who was added to the class roster by mistake, was also asked to take the exam. Noodles, a miniature schnauzer and registered service dog, received a score of 70%. Adams’ TA declined to comment on this.

Although attendance is taken as part of this course, Adams decided earlier last month that attending a 9 am lecture infringes on her “Me-Time” and would impede her ability to “love [her]self.” She now devotes the lecture period to laying in bed, repeating every single embarrassing moment in her life in her head, as well as watching Tik Toks. Reportedly, she also does not attend discussion sections either, since she’s “pretty sure it’s common sense,” and “already” knows it.

When asked how she studied for the exam, she said, “I found this really good Quizlet last night. I spent five hours on it!” Her roommate, Lakynn Singao (SAR ‘26), commented on her erratic studying habits, stating she “took hour-long breaks after studying for 10 minutes and DoorDashed an expensive meal from an Italian restaurant in the North End to reward herself.” Singao also reported that Adams made it through the first two seasons of television series Gilmore Girls during this time.

Eyewitnesses report sighting Adams at the Questrom Starbucks a mere 25 minutes into the allotted time for the exam. Reportedly, she was one of the first to finish, and could be overheard discussing the exam while sipping a Venti-sized monstrosity that definitely ruined a non-binary barista’s day to make. 

The Bunion reached out to Adams to shed light on the reason why she purchased Starbucks after putting her worst foot forward on literally her first midterm at BU.

“As a treat,” she clarified.