Who Farted on the T on September 23?

By Madi Forrest

The following is based on true events:

Breaking news: Someone rips ass on Boston Public Transport. 

Yeah, actually, except not really, but yeah. ​​

The day was gloomy, the T was full.

I got on at Boylston, passed Arlington, then Copley, Hynes, etc. You get it, I rode the T. 

The vibes were miserable. It was rainy and cold outside, so everyone had layers on, but the T was just so hot and musty, the perfect and unsuspecting environment for someone to shift the ambiance and possibly the air quality. 

As the train arrived at Amory, the wind began to break.

That’s when it all began. BOOM!

The loudspeakers of the public train started playing and spraying fart sounds. POW!

There were short ones, long ones, dangerously strong ones, 

girly ones, flirty ones, Boston-runs-on-Dunkin ones. 

The gas emitted was not foul but rather a laughing gas that settled over the unsuspecting and previously pissed-off passengers. 

Everyone on board began to giggle and look at each other with the most beautiful, childlike grins. I am unsure if this is procedure for the conductor to do on shitty days with shitty vibes, or if they were just feeling extra silly, or even a little extra gassy, but the farts were still farting by the time I arrived at my stop. 

I got off the T at Babcock, feeling a little lighter and overwhelmed with a great sense of relief as if I had left something behind. <3