Did they hit the second tower again? No? Take your clothes out of the dryer!!

By: Mirna Benavente

Picture this: the washers are available to use (yippee!), and you see that the dryer’s time perfectly aligns with when your clothes will be done washing. Your shitty week has just gotten better. Yet when you return, the dryer has yet to be emptied. That’s fine, it's only been *checks watch* 10 minutes! People are busy, whatever. Another, 10 minutes have passed and 2 more dryers are done but no one has come to claim their clothes. Again, that’s fine, whatever. 

More time has passed and at this point, you can't even check your stupid watch because it died from you being such a fucking pushover, and while you could’ve taken somebody else’s clothes out of the dryer and began your own load, now you live in constant anxiety that if you were to take it out, the owner of said clothes would finally emerge and you’d have to live with the humiliation of touching someone’s underwear.

Now, I would like to take the time today to talk about the biggest pandemic that will ever affect a normal college student’s life: laundry days. While I don’t remember where I was on 9/11 - I’m literally just a 20-year-old teenage girl who wasn’t even alive when it happened! I’ve had first-hand experience with having to do laundry in college-owned washers and dryers, and not to invalidate anyone’s experiences, but I live in a brownstone, which only houses 2 washers and 2 dryers for 40 people. And one of the dryers doesn't even do its job and leaves clothes all moist!

I’ve actually done some digging on this phenomenon and found a long-lost research article that was buried under the plan B machine in the GSU. Richard “Dick” Myaz (CFA ‘02) conducted a survey in which they asked the student body what has been the worst thing that’s happened to them while they’ve been at BU. 97% of people responded saying something related to wasting their time waiting for someone else to take their laundry out of the dryers. Note: This study was conducted on September 10th, 2001.

Myaz also noted that there was about 3% of the student population that said they hated people “taking my shit out of the dryers without my permission.” Yet, these same people responded “no comment” when asked by Myaz how long they left their stuff in the dryer. It is also rumored that after this survey, these individuals were taken out back, shot, and disposed of in the Charles River. 

Yet even after taking these students out, more spawned in their place, making the dryer issue even worse than it was previously. Like a hydra, you dispose of one, and two more take its place. Myaz ended up deeming this research a failure and buried his shame where he thought no one would look.

I will now be taking up his work and dealing out justice against those who continue this disgusting behavior. It will be a load of responsibility, but I cannot rest until these perpetrators are dealt with. So if you currently have a load in the dryer, you better run and hope I don’t get to you first.