Yelling “So This is Why You’re Not Answering” at BU Beach Couples

By: Charlotte Tolman

Since the weather is still pretty warm, that means one thing: the shocking sight of couples hanging out and – unfortunately – hooking up at the BU beach is still common.

Let’s make this clear, BU calls their one strip of grass on campus a “beach” – they don’t really care about students’ wellbeing. However, couples cherish this spot for its immaculate scenery of dead grass, litter, and old broken adirondack chairs. Unfortunately for everyone else, they are just another eye sore to add to the list.

If you thought those PDA couples on the T were bad, this is a whole new level of disgusting. I once witnessed three different couples all at once. Headphones are necessary unless you want to hear the corniest conversations, a potential break up, or the smacking noises of peoples’ lips. I am shocked at the amount of people in relationships at BU. 

After being completely fed up with this, the only solution is to yell, “so this is why you’re not answering” to them. The first target is always the people who are already arguing. You’ll rile them up even more, and hopefully they’ll go back to Questrom where they can continue to annoy the people in there. To be honest, everyone acts like that there, so it probably wouldn’t be a disturbance.

Now if you see a perfectly happy couple…tread lightly, because they’re probably gonna be too delusional to believe that one of them is realistically cheating. If you want to take the extra step, have a friend of yours ask for their name, put it into your phone, and have them call your phone a couple times. Make sure there’s a long list of red missed calls. 

Beware of the occasional newlywed couple that’s there. If they met at BU and are visiting to “get back to their roots,” please take the opportunity to ruin their relationship. You know what they say: the honeymoon phase of marriage only lasts for so long, and the beach is the perfect place for it to come to an end. Fortunately, one of them might remember how difficult it was for their friends to have to watch them share the same side of the booth or leave every function early together. 

Another time it’s fully acceptable to yell is at non-students is when you see parents with their kids. Hopefully, it’ll make the parents reconsider allowing them to attend! 

All of this is fun until you see your ex with their new significant other there. You’ll probably have to gather yourself for a few seconds and decide what to do. You might just want to yell it and run away so it potentially breaks them up without anyone knowing it was you. No one wants to see their ex happy! If your ex does see you though, fill out a transfer application. 

Another scary case is when you do it to someone from class who you didn’t recognize, but then they recognize you. Maybe you can change it to “so this is why you’re not answering…oh uh, about the stats quiz tomorrow!” Just hope that you save yourself in time. 

Bottom line is, you all need to find a better place to bring your significant other. If they suggest BU beach, count that as a red flag. If you can’t scare these people off, call the BU landscaping services and ask them if they can do yard work all day. No one should be able to romanticize BU.