Why My Middle School Poetry Should Be Required Reading

By Jaclyn Di Matteo

Now I know you may be thinking, what does a Halsey bumping, Melanie Martinez thumping middle schooler have to say about poetry? 

And to that all I have to say to that is, could a middle school girl have written this: “you were temptingly beautiful / but stung when I got close”? I mean, probably, right! But that's actually a rupi kaur poem.

Now I didn't read Looking for Alaska by John Green seven times in middle school just to not be profound. I, unlike all you other losers, was a child poetry writing prodigy. I didn't get second place in a haiku competition in fifth grade at my elementary school just to not eat in middle school.

Example: “I can only hope / that the version you made up of me / in your head / has clear skin / and white teeth.” That is a fully real poem I wrote in middle school and posted on the internet and I'll be the first to say it; it’s a banger. Show me a man that could write that, you literally can't.

This brings me to why this should be required reading, which is, the Male English Major. Not all of you may know the Male English Major, but I sure do. A MEM is one of those guys obsessed with World War II, but their anxiety disorders kept them from being a poli-sci major and also kept them from ever touching a woman! These men know the complete historical context of when Geoffrey Chaucer was writing The Canterbury Tales, but still don't get it at all because it's mainly about sex.

If these men read my middle school poetry, if they could even slightly comprehend the experience -- and overall agony -- of being a middle school girl, they would literally stop being insufferable, start getting pussy, and the patriarchy would cease to exist.