CDS Building get circumcised

COMM AVE — The newly-opened Computing and Data Science (CDS) building received a final cosmetic update on Friday: a circumcision.

Though ostensibly completed this past semester, construction continued into this past week as a surgeon removed the foreskin from the newest addition to BU’s campus.

Many of the BU community members welcomed the tower’s new head.

“It just looks more normal,” Sam Hunt (COM ‘24) said. “I mean, buildings all look a little weird, but I think circumcised ones look less gross.” 

Others, however, mourn the building being stripped of what they see as its God-given beauty. 

“More like Circumcised Dumb Structure if you ask me,” George Klein (Questrom ‘23) said before high-fiving the reporter with a stupid grin on his face.

Dr. Calvin Hugger, the surgeon responsible for the procedure, said, “Yeah, I usually do babies; this was a fucking nightmare, and I have no idea why they hired me.”

Though primarily an aesthetic adjustment, BU’s new office for Pensive Integration Systems (PenIS) said that the operation also invigorates the school’s environmental efforts.

Kenneth Brusque, president of PenIS, said that the circumcision increased the building’s surface area, broadening options for power.

“We’re investigating wind power as an option for supporting the building’s electrical needs,” he said. “Boston is notorious for its wind, so we’re looking to harness that.”

After the success of the operation BU looks to the future of architectural renovation.

“We’re hoping to see more and more circumcisions across campus very very soon,” Brusque said. “This is technically confidential, but we’re hoping to start work on a triple circumcision on Warren. I’m just so giddy about cutting the foreskin off of big ol’ dick buildings!”