I Made My Therapist Cry (Wish This Was A Joke)

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably been to therapy. I know all you bitches are depressed as hell and even if you haven’t gone, you probably should. Most people end up crying TO their therapist blah blah blah life is so hard blah blah blah. I’ve run the gauntlet. I made my therapist cry.

My first therapy experience was freshman year high school. My family had gotten a therapist for us all (horrible idea) and we had started group sessions. Unfortunately for anyone who is not white, sessions with a white therapist don’t really go so well. After a few sessions of screaming at each other their porcelain skin starts leaking tears like a broken vase. 

Moving on from that disaster, my next victim was in college. Once again, if you are reading this in college and don’t have a therapist,,, why?? She was helping me get over my ex-girlfriend when I decided it was time to stop lying to her. I knew she might cry if I told her I got cheated on and I couldn’t have a repeat of last time. Unfortunately, when I started describing who my girlfriend cheated with, all the pieces fell into place. My ex was my therapist's wife… Somehow she started making it all about her, talking about conflict of interest and crying about moral justification or something, I mean I’m the one who got cheated on come on. 

*** 50 years later***

Last musing of ****, Death Row Victim:

There have been so many throughout the years. I thought I could stop. I thought I could control myself. They finally caught me and I’m going to be punished for all these years. I just couldn’t help myself. Making therapists cry is the only thing that brings my horrible existence joy. And why should I feel bad about that! They’re doing their job. They’re making me happy. When I look out on that crowd after getting strapped into the chair, the one thing that will bring me peace is seeing the waterworks of all the therapists I’ve made cry before.