Taylor In The Square: Taylor Gets Her Groove Back At TiTS Thursday

Allston, MA — 

In the wake of Taylor Swift’s alleged breakup from Joe Alwyn, a guy who was in that one thing that one time, she has apparently been seen at TITs Thursday.

Can you blame her? Where else can Taylor reclaim confidence than a place where at least three dodgy pick up artists will try to buy you in a drink in one night?

The sweaty atmosphere, the overpriced drinks, the terrifying ordeal of being known. All in a days work at TITs. This is the place for Taylor to move on because time ceases to move there. Tavern in the Square is a liminal place. There is no beginning and there is no end once you step into the haze of bodies. The minutes feel like hours, hours like decades, and when you return home it is as though you had been fighting in a war without end. 

TITs is a battleground with Sean Kingston blasting from the speakers. Taylor, in her effort to get back into it, most likely will sip her overpriced diet coke-vodka and sway to the hypnotic slog that DJ Benjamin Carl queues. She would send a selfie of her and her squad to be put on the TV. It would be both cunty and ironic — the best of both worlds. 

Once she makes it to the bathroom in the gallows of the basement, she will take a good look at herself in the mirror. Her eyes hold the weight of horrors untold. Was tonight worth it? Was any of it worth it? Jesus, how many vodka-red bulls did she drink? She is a soldier returning half her weight. 

After the clock strikes 1:30, TITs begins to throw the riff raff to the curb. Taylor stumbling outside for a cig will realize that it’s time to be on a lookout for a red honda civic because girl, what the hell does that look like? 

Once she is on the trek home, she will look down at the stamp on her hand— a reminder of this night in the trenches. A reminder of her strength. 

*Taylor on night one of the Eras tour in ‘Boston’*

Recently, I went to a place called Tavern In The Square. The sights I saw were treacherous… (strums guitar)