Suspicious: Freshman Who Wants Beer Claiming to Be "Three Sixty-Fourths Irish"

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ALLSTON—Eyewitness reports confirm that at 3:17am this morning, freshman Ivanna B. Airisch (COM ‘21) claimed to be “three sixty-fourths Irish” while requesting a beer at an Allston Saint Patrick’s Day party.

“Oh, of course I’m Irish,” insisted Airisch. “My mother’s father’s father’s mother’s birth mom’s parents both came from Ireland, and my father’s father’s mother’s mother’s father’s mother was born in Ireland. I really identify closely with my Irish heritage. It just feels like a big part of me.”

When interrogated further, Airisch continued, “My father’s father’s mother’s mother’s father’s mother’s father was actually in Ireland through BU’s study abroad program in Dublin. It was during a Saint Patrick’s Day party, actually, that he met my father’s father’s mother’s mother’s father’s mother’s mother. And well, you know what they say, the rest is history.”

At press time, sources confirm Airisch began talking about her fourth cousin who she thinks “works with kids in Ireland or Scotland or Brazil or something.”

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