Professors Make Up Classes By Reading To Students Before Bed

SOUTH CAMPUS—In light of recent winter storms that have caused Boston University to cancel five school days and counting, BU professors have begun to make up the lost classes by reading to their students before bedtime.“The values of θ run from 0 to 2π in a logarithmic spiral,” sang professor Johan Christoph in a soft lullaby to his Calculus II class as The Brave Little Toaster wound down to its conclusion on the TV.“Anselm’s ontological argument remained undiscovered for – I’m sorry Hutchiekins, do you need a blanket?” said Andrea Grant, a philosophy adjunct, as Mindy Hutchins (SMG ‘15) snuggled up to her thigh and shivered slightly.University president Robert Brown sent out an email to the student body the previous evening detailing the times and dates for the bedtime sessions, adding that the students are required to “brush their teeth twice. Yes, twice, Timmy,” before beginning instruction.Polls show that public opinion has turned from initially negative to extremely excited about the new plan. Barnes and Noble is reporting a large uptick in BU pajama sales.“I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical at first when I saw my British Literature professor get into a nightgown and pull out Goodnight Moon,” said Roy Ghiorsio (CAS '17). “But it’s been the most educational part of the class by far.""Also, [Gary LaFelle, professor]’s warm milk is the best fucking thing I’ve ever tasted,” Ghirosio continued.At press time, professor Robert Snykes was seen tucking in his entire Intro to Psychology class while whispering Freud’s psychoanalytic theories as they snoozed off to dreamland.