"Comm Ave Runner" Absent from Campus After Discovering Treadmill

COMMONWEALTH AVENUE—A local celebrity has been notably absent from the streets of BU campus this fall. However, students wondering where he’s gone need look no further than a local gym.The man known only as “The Comm Ave Runner”, known for running up and down Commonwealth Avenue while wearing weight training equipment, has since abandoned his now-famous regimen after finally learning that treadmills exist.“My buddy told me about these tread-meal things and I couldn’t believe it,” the runner said during a water-break while exercising at Commonwealth Sports Club. “A machine that lets you run for as long as you want but you stay in the same place? Who thought of that? They should give that guy a medal!”The staff at the Commonwealth Sports Club are thrilled to accept his business. “It’s pretty nice, especially because he never stops running,” said one employee. “It gets lonely around here on slow days but he’s been here for the past two weeks straight. We’ve gotten to know each other pretty well! I asked him if he wants to hang out soon, but he said he’s gonna be busy running straight through Christmas.”The runner’s ignorance is not an uncommon thing: thousands of people run along streets in the greater Boston area every year because they’re never heard of treadmills.“Have I ever heard of a WHAT?” said at least three runners we interviewed along the Esplanade.“It’s really convenient to not have to go back and forth down Comm Ave anymore,” said the Comm Ave Runner. “But I really miss all of those kids staring and pointing at me whenever I pass by. You can’t get that at the gym.”Students can find the Comm Ave Runner in the treadmill room at Commonwealth Sports Club literally all of the time. He can also be seen running up and down the staircases at the Prudential Center on the first and third Tuesdays of every month, since he has not discovered what stairmasters do yet.