Sumner Redstone Donates $18m to University for Sexual Favors

CENTRAL CAMPUS—This week, Viacom Inc. Executive Chairman Sumner Redstone donated $18 million to the Boston University School of Law in exchange for various sexual favors to be repaid by the school.Redstone, a former faculty member of the law school and sponsor of the University’s Redstone Film Festival, says that the money will go towards a new entrance to the law building, new classroom space, additional Law Library space, and lots and lots of blowjobs.“We are [gulp] very happy to accept this generous donation,” said Boston University President Robert A. Brown during the announcement yesterday. “This donation, um, will impact the community in a huge way.” He added, wiping his brow of sweat. “I think we will all remember Sumner Redstone forever after this momentous occasion.”Redstone is no stranger to philanthropy. The billionaire received his B.A. from Harvard College, as well as various B.J.s in exchange for a $1 million donation to the Harvard Redstone Scholarship. He has also donated to various global charity organizations and Boston education institutes and medical centers.“The whole community is certainly in his debt, and we thank him.” Said a sweat-stricken President Brown, who at the end of his press conference, was overcome by emotion as he embraced Beverly, his wife of 40 years.