“You Mad or Nah?” Professor SHOCKED by Student’s PERFECT Response to Email About Missing Assignments

By Paige Schwartz | Photo by Maddie Lam

Picture this: It’s midterm season. Again. You’ve only been to one discussion section, and at this point, your classmates aren’t even sure you actually exist. When you do show up (once in a blue moon), they gawk as you drift aimlessly into HAR105 and sit mysteriously in the back, a venti coffee in hand you wasted your dining points on. Your TA still doesn’t know your name, so they can’t confront you as you bolt out at the end of the lecture.

The Blackboard app on your phone? Collecting dust. Hasn’t been opened since February. The red notification bubble at the top once read “69” and instead of panicking, you just giggled. But now, the emails are flooding in:

 “Essay 1 Missing On Blackboard.” 

“Assignment 2 Was Due Yesterday” 

“Class Attendance = MANDATORY.” 

“Girl, Where Tf Are You?”

Gulp. 

It’s time to lock in.  Not on the assignments, obviously. On crafting the perfect email to evade all responsibility while making your professor feel sympathetic towards your inability to produce work. You sit. You draft. You delete. You spiral. Google Drive is begging for mercy.

“Dear Professor-” Delete.

“I’m so sorry-” Delete. Delete.

“Pleasepleaseplease” NO! Delete!

And then, it hits you.

You mad or nah? YAHHHHH!!!