Girl From Lecture Plays Dress To Impress Whole Time, Has Higher GPA Than You

By Ian Krockel | Photo by Emily He

CAS THINK TANK—BU staff and students remain in utter shock and disbelief as Mary Cherish, a CAS Junior studying Neuroscience, maintains a near-perfect GPA despite never visibly using her laptop for anything productive. 

Cherish, who sits in front of you in your Bayesian statistics course, has reached the role of ‘Runway Diva’ in the popular Roblox game “Dress To Impress” while maintaining a 3.98 GPA, according to BU Police. “Dress To Impress” is a fashion-themed, round-based video game where users can lose out to 9-year-olds dressed as Ice Spice. Sources also report she can frequently be found browsing the sale section of Sephora.com and using the ‘Lovestruck’ filter on Photo Booth.

“I don’t know how that diva does it,” said Dr. Crumplebottom, Ph.D., BU professor of Bayesian statistics. When asked by The Bunion how it is possible she performs so well in class and scores highly, Dr. Crumplebottom stated: “I think the trick is to layer tastefully, to choose bold colors that reflect the theme, and to strike a nasty pose and win the crowd over!”

One student reports hearing an extremely loud laptop fan during lectures, and silent weeping.

“I think she came in third place one round when that happened,” said Apple Dinkelson, CAS ‘25. Dinkelson is Cherish’s classmate in CAS NE 493, a Senior-level research course. “She lost to someone dressed as Bibble from the Barbie ‘Fairytopia’ movie, if my memory serves me well,” they added.

Credit card statements obtained by The Bunion confirm that Cherish has spent $384.76 on Robux, a digital currency usable in Roblox, and $0.00 on books from the BU Bookstore at the time of writing.

When contacted by The Bunion, representatives for Cherish (her mother, Joy Hope-Cherish) declined to immediately comment.