The Perv Ghost That Keeps Opening the Bathroom Door in My New Apartment

By Mirna Benavente | Photo by Lizzy Morearty

I finally did my move from my spacious Brownstone dorm to an apartment on South (no I don’t regret it, please stop asking me this). While I’ve begun to accept this new normal in my life – 3 flights of stairs with no elevator, yay! – there was one thing that kept happening in my new home – the bathroom door kept opening while we were in the bathroom!

But this doesn’t affect just me. My poor roommate (who will be affectionately referred to as Roomie) also deals with the same issue. Initially we believed each other to be the perv trying to take a peak at a shower boob or two. However, that theory was quickly dispelled when the action kept happening even when only one of us was present at a time. So we lept to the only next logical conclusion: we had a ghost!

Even after determining the guilty perpetrator, there was nothing we could do to stop him. How do you stop a ghost from trying to garner a look? Even when we locked the door, he managed to find a way to pop it open like the top button of a tight blouse. We’re a nondenominational household, so there’s no priest we can call to expel it. And with Ed and Lorraine Warren dead, we ran out of options! 

We were stuck with this ghost, which meant we couldn’t invite anyone over in fear that the perv ghost (derogatory) would strike again. Obviously that’s why we don’t have people over and not because we’re bitchless losers that rewatch Laurie’s proposal to Jo in Little Women repeatedly in an effort to memorize it.

But even with the perv ghost’s actions against us, Roomie and I had sympathy for the poor guy. Imagine being an eternal college student! At BU of all places! Like a parent trying to connect with their recently out child, we’ve tried to show our support for Bartholomew (his given name by us). We were careful with our salt spillage and got rid of any iron that we possessed (bye bye to our cast iron skillet). I know it must be exhausting using his ghost powers to open a locked door, so we stopped locking it to make it easier for him. Roomie and I even bought the gingerbread haunted house kit from Trader Joe’s to show our support to Bart!

Our last attempt at communicating with perv ghost (affectionate), we thrifted a Ouiji board from the local Goodwill and lit some candles! Even with our Latin chanting to strengthen his connection with the mortal world, the only message we could obtain from Bartholomew during our Ouiji board adventure was this:

T-I-T-S-P-L-Z

And really, I don’t know what we were expecting.