Elon Imposes Sanctions on Rival CEO, Dr. Doofenshmirtz of DEI (Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)
By Martín Akamine-Alvarez | Photo by Maddy O’Leary
With America trying to achieve the fastest oligarchy ever, CEOs are now fighting for the top spot of Trump's richest cuckold. Most news networks are covering the big hitters: Tesla’s Elon Musk, Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, and The Social Network’s Mark Zuckerberg. However, there is one CEO who has been flying under the radar, and was a bigger villain during the childhood of many of our readers: The infamous Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
Like the other CEOs mentioned above, he was raised in a traditional Druvelsteinian family and grew up to be the loser everyone knows today. However, his grit and determination pushed him to become one of the world’s largest purveyors of gadgets, doohickeys, and inators. Once his inventions hit the market, his sales skyrocketed, and he accrued one of the largest evil gadget empires in the canon of Phineas and Ferb.
Despite his success story and having a super hot wife and daughter, he was still never seen as a major player and normal billionaire. He was painted as an evil genius, constantly plotting against the Tri-State area. His evil grew to be too devious, until the Organization Without a Cool Acronym (OWCA) assigned their top agent, known as Perry (code name platypus), to carry out multiple assassinations on Doofenshmirtz. Western media, primarily Disney Channel, portrayed him as a societal outsider, detached from others, living alone developing his technology, while glorifying his opposition, perpetrating the supremacy of American children over the success story of an immigrant billionaire.
Now that Trump and Elon Musk are in office, Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s empire of wealth has seen record low sales, as people are less trusting of immigrants and the inflationary costs of goods because of tariffs. But the decisive blow to Dr. Doofenshmirtz came when Elon Musk, a jealous billionaire, placed DEI (Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated) under review for their products, which may be banned forever. Most notably, Musk has taken decisive action to take one of DEI’s largest and most helpful products off the shelves: the “Inator” line of products. This line of devices are advanced technology kept very secret, using state-of-the-art technology to make devices transform into anything. His most popular products were the Bread-inator®, which makes gut-healthy sourdough bread for the owner, and the Baby-inator®, which kills the user's real baby and replaces it with a robot baby that is much better at everything. Consumers are already feeling the discomfort from not being able to purchase an “inator” and demand the products come back to the shelves.
This public outcry has led to a further discussion on the treatment of the working class, and changed the narrative on billionaires. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (infamous progressive, “Tax the Rich” dress wearer, and BU Grad) has spoken out on Dr. Doofenshmirtz sanctioning. She stated, “Rich people aren’t always bad, and you know what? DEI in any form is important. When it comes time to eat the rich, I’ll save him.” Democrats have followed suit, supporting Dr. Doofenshmirtz and what he stands for. Follow The Bunion as we closely monitor this story.