BU To Add 6 Factor Authentication

By Beck Winter | Photo by Lizzy Morearty

This week, BU Technology Director Terra Dactyl announced that they would be launching a new initiative which adds an additional four steps to the authentication process for students trying to get into their emails. The move comes in a terrifying incident in which campus twins Ty and Sarah Topps were hacked after leaving their phones out in the dining hall completely unlocked. A hacker walked up to their phones and was able to access their KPop Demon Hunters Vore drawings, saved to their drive, which they then promptly uploaded to both students’ LinkedIn Profiles. 

During a press conference regarding the incident, Dactyl spoke at length about the importance of cyber security on campus, and allowed the Topps to say their piece about this gross violation of privacy. During their speech, they stated:  “Yeah, it’s super gross that all of our artwork was leaked, but like, if anyone has notes or anything it would be super helpful. I was trying to tastefully draw their engorged bellies but I lowkey fucked up on the shading.” Nobody did. 

With the help of Assistant Technology Director Chip Lodocus, the safety of all students has been ensured for the time being. While the Technology department has yet to officially unveil what steps they are adding to the authentication process, there have been rumblings as to what such steps could be. These include:

-Your Social Security Number

-Eye Scans

-Ear Scans

-Cat Scans

-Kitty Scans 

-Your Mother’s Maiden Name

-Your best bar in the style of that Ian thing everyone keeps doing

-1 Curtis Silwa Style Rant/Story in response to a prompt selected by BU staff.

-$40 to Melissa Gillam’s Venmo

-Your best Wicked melody 

-Who you like n shiii

-Who you think will win Dancing With the Stars (Note: If you insert anyone other than Robert Irwin, you will be permanently barred from accessing BU TechWeb)

-An RSVP to Ryan’s 15th birthday party at SkyZone

-Your Social Security Again (just in case)

Dactyl and Lodocus have expressed that they believe these are necessary steps to combatting cyber attacks on campus. “It is our duty to protect these students to make sure that nothing like this ever happens again.” It is important to note that in attendance at this press conference was the entire Vore club, armed with baseball bats.