Transit-Savvy Freshman Introduced To Another Kind Of Train When Attending Senior Seminar Class
By Herb Waters
Today on FRONTLINE BU. We begin today’s laundry list of harrowing tales with the experience of one Boston University freshman with a deep interest in urban development.
Nineteen-year-old Colin Brunsfield, a freshman majoring in Political Science and minoring in Urban Studies, primarily commutes to class via the Green Line. A self-described “socially conscious commuter”, Colin has been found to brighten his phone screen during commutes so that all minority passengers notice the Kendrick Lamar playlist on his Google Pixel, and openly boycotts the Red Line in his efforts to end the perpetuation of systemic racism. Colin has been described by his two “friends” as a “competitive self-starter” and by everyone else as “palliatively online”.
When browsing the course catalog for extra HUB units during registration, Colin stumbled upon HP420, the senior seminar offered by Sargent College on in-depth interpersonal research strategies. Upon reading the course description, which outlined the interviews of Boston community members that students must perform, Colin saw his chance to meet a black person interact with marginalized communities in a meaningful way and massage his ego by taking the class explicitly defined as the last class to take in a completely different major, early.
Colin, dressed in full Shein ethically sourced Japanese clothing with a 100% child-labor-free guarantee, was forty-five minutes early to his first class. With the room empty, he began to practice his eleven-inch-long rant on the lack of on-campus green spaces that he would deliver immediately upon being called on. Anxious for the class to begin, he paced about for twenty more minutes, when thirty burly, male seniors dressed only in rainbow-patterned muscle shirts and briefs suddenly filed into the room. He timidly uttered “hi I’m colin i’m an ally” to the man closest to him, when he was suddenly picked up by another man shouting “SHREK IS LOVE, SHREK IS LIFE” and thrown onto one of the longer tables.
Not knowing of the “canon event” that occurs when freshmen try to register for HP420, Colin had unwittingly found himself amidst the Sargent College Thug Shakers, a student group dedicated to giving underclassmen the ultimate transit experience. If a freshman registers for a senior seminar, they irreversibly consent to all actions taken by the Office of the Registrar to correct the student’s timeline, no matter how penetrative. The Shakers all stood around Colin, who was now prone on the desk. The one standing directly above him bellowed “We know you’re fuckin with them trains brudda, so today we finna get you right big dawg”, before audibly licking his lips. On the last word, every man simultaneously stripped, ready to give Colin the comprehensive, six-hour seminar in in-depth interpersonal exploration that was listed on the course description.
On his way home, Colin hobbled onto the Green Line. Struggling to take a seat, he looked around the half-empty train car, recounting the embarrassingly euphoric experience he had just undergone. He now knew so much more about trains; having been a fan of railway vehicles all his life, he never thought he’d know what it felt like to have a train ran on him. The train passed by two more stops, when suddenly, the landscape faded, and Colin awoke with a start – it was all a nightmare; he’d been heavily stressing over rushing the pre-law fraternity the next day. With his behind curiously hurting, he begrudgingly rolled out of bed and hobbled to his 8am.
This story was funded by the Sargent College Thug Shakers, who vow to deliver the gold standard of life-changing student experiences to excited underclassmen. Learn more about them at https://www.bu.edu/sargent/thugshakercentral.