I Have Evil (Horny) Inside of Me

Published anonymously 

Well, dear reader, it’s that time of year again. That special season when the sun starts to set at 3 PM, the air turns frigid, and I get horny. You might be wondering what specifically about the change in temperature really gets me going. After all, what does hot girl summer exist for if not to unleash your inner horniness during the warmest months of the year? The answer lies in this: the cold makes me evil, and the evil makes me horny. 

Allow me to explain a few things: First of all, while I claim to adore the winter months and constantly complain about the “lack of seasons” in other parts of the country, there’s just something about waking up for an 8 AM class and being forced to leave my warm and cozy bed to face the treacherous wind tunnel of Comm Ave that just doesn’t sit right with me. That, my dear reader, is where the evil comes into play. What else is a girl supposed to do in these conditions besides let the hatred and spite of frigid temperatures force her into a constant state of sexual frenzy?  

Another important aspect of the evil/horny is the age-old phenomenon of astrology. The beginning of winter always happens to coincide with Scorpio season. Coincidence? I think not! According to a widely-respected and infallible source (astrology123.com to be precise), Scorpios are known to be “possessive, jealous, and sexually intense.” Is it any wonder that these traits rub off on me when the stars are literally aligned to make it so? Scorpios are the original horny/evil combination, and I just happen to get sucked into their vortex for one month out of the year. Does it make me a terrible person? Sure, but at least my vibrator gets to see the light of day. Or rather I should say, the light of 9 AM- 4 PM.   

Maybe I should move to California after all. On the one hand, it might cure my evil. On the other hand, I’ll take horniness over warmth any day of the week. Antarctica, here I come!