I Should Be Silenced: Not All Voices Were Meant To Be Heard

By: Ces Lodovico

It is as though I am carving my thoughts into a marble slate when I use my grubby little fingers to type out something on Instagram Create Mode. It is there where I share my deepest thoughts and desires. Despite the fact that I am considered a modern day philosopher by the general public, there are many instances in which I should simply shut the fuck up.

I am but the town crier in the village square we call Instagram Stories. And some of you… I don’t want to hear anything from. Obviously, my thoughts can be insightful and should be shared with the world, but I shouldn’t have to deal with the world that can learn from my revelations. Certainly not to the extent that I have thirty thousand little Instagram stories from some of these randos I’m mutuals with from the BU incoming Class of 2026 account that made me pay three dollars to post my bio. I did in fact pay the three dollars because I am neither a loser nor broke.

Here is a comprehensive list of Instagram Stories voices that I believe should be silenced.

I do not care about the randos I went to high school with. If we were tight, that’s tight. I attempted to unfollow everyone else as soon as I graduated, but sometimes I’ll stumble upon a picture of them and their ugly boyfriends and I know, without a doubt: you MUST be silenced.

I do not care about the photo add functions that say shit like “Post a baby picture or Horrible things will happen to you 🖤.” I don’t even have baby pictures on my phone. I could not take those pictures on my phone because a) I was a baby and b) I have an iPhone 11. There were not even iPhones when I was a baby. “You can download the pictu–” I have maybe .0001 gigabytes of free storage on my phone and I am not wasting it on pictures of some baby. I need that storage to screenshot stupid shit I see and send to my friends. To save pictures of animals kissing and send them to my partner and say “us.” You get the gist. I will not have a horrible year because I didn’t post a baby picture. My fate is in my own hands. SILENCED!

I do not want to see you post an entire concert on your story. I do not want to see you hiding your new post with a GIF or emoji with “New Post!” so I have to go to your post to see what you posted. Post post post. I DO want to know when it’s your mom’s birthday and you BETTER tag her. Hey there, Tina. When can I have a night of yours and your husband’s company?

I do not want you to repost every single Happy Birthday story that other people post for you with the same “Ilysm thank youuuuu <3,” especially if you have one thousand people who are posting for your birthday. It’s not a national holiday. It’s a Tuesday. 

I also do not want to see your notes app screenshot on your current opinion on the geopolitical state of the world. It is never that serious. You do not need to share your opinion on everything. I am sick and tired of this all. One word for you all: SILENCE.