Petition to Baby Girlify Every Man Ever
Men: you know them, you hate them, and for some reason, you’re attracted to them. But did you know that they can actually be desirable? A sweet treat or even a pleasure to be around. Finally, men can actually be good enough companions that straight women will finally stop telling their lesbian friends that they’re so lucky that they are only attracted to girls.
Baby girl is a state of mind that cannot be bound to the constraints of our mortal world, let alone the gender binary. And if I can do anything about it, everyone would be a baby girl. Me, you readers, my freshman year humanities professor, etc.
The only reason Julia Roberts’ character said “I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her” in Notting Hill is because the boy in question was Hugh Grant, the baby girl to end all baby girls. Between him and Colin Firth, the British have a great track record of turning their straight twinks into men who you can trust to just hold you.
Every man can be a baby girl if we let them. If we only stop splitting them into categories like golden retrievers and himbos, we could unify every man that is “boyfriend material” and make them baby girls.
That guy who has a habit of interrupting you during group activities in your section meeting? He’s baby girl. He doesn’t mean to do it, he’s just a teenage girl!
In the same way Kendall and Roman Roy are baby girl, so is that hoard of Questrom students smoking in a circle after a particularly brutal CORE meeting.
Baby girlifying the men around you is just like putting a rose-colored filter on the world. If they’re all baby girl, they can’t disappoint you!