10 Other “B Words” Massachusetts Should Ban

The Massachusetts state legislature is currently debating a new bill that would ban the word “bitch” in what representatives are calling a “demeaning context.” Under disorderly conduct law, offenders could face $200 fines or six months in jail. (Take that, my ex-boyfriends!)They could have just fixed the T, but while we’re at it, here are ten other “B words” Massachusetts should ban!

1. Brunch

This one’s a given. It’s impossible to brunch without your bitches. Try going to lunch instead with a group of problematic bachelors that you call “The Squad!!!!”

2. (The) B-Line

Sad excuse for a train. Too many crackheads. Get rid of it altogether.

3. Bruins

They may be our hockey team, but nonetheless an unnecessary use of a word that starts with the letter “B.” Let’s choose a mascot that better reflects our state’s values. Something along the lines of The Feminist Heroes, Political Correctors or even The Massholes.

4. Beer

Move over, Sam Adams. You’ll have to find something else to drink during games. Might I suggest tap water.

5. Bay State

Our state’s nickname sounds way too laid-back. For crying out loud, they don’t call us “Massholes” for nothing.

6. Beanpot

This hockey tournament provokes too much disorderly conduct. AND it takes place on a Monday. Another reason it has to go.

7. Brady

Thank you for your service, but I think six Super Bowls are enough.

8. (The) Bar

The bar is a minefield of beer, bartenders, Bruins games, and bitches who don’t want your phone number. There are much better places to spend your weekends Hint: church.

9. Bikers

This one is something we can all get behind. Be a car or a pedestrian—not both.

10. Boston

The capital city of Massachusetts is basically just a college town with colonial history. Furthermore, it is crawling with bitches.