Gigantic Lizard Ravages East Coast, Misses BU Campus Completely

MARSH PLAZA—Boston University’s campus remained quiet and relatively uneventful last weekend, while the rest of the east coast braced itself for an assault from a rampaging lizard of deadly proportions.Local news outlets displayed maps with projections for the fearsome reptile’s path, but it ended up just stomping around almost everywhere. Because of the lizard’s devastation, many schools, roads and businesses were forced to temporarily close.“I’m from D.C., and it got hit really badly by the lizard. My family had to stay inside all day until he passed by.” Says Rhonda Massey (SHA, 18). “I guess he must’ve gotten out of a cage or a zoo? I know stuff like this happens every winter, but it was seriously huge.”Some students expressed disappointment at having missed the talked-about spectacle.Says Kyle Fielder (CAS ’17), “I thought I saw a big green lizard scale lying on the ground, but when I ran over to check it out, it was just a trash can lid.” Fielder dejectedly added, “I mean, we got some snow, but whatever.”