Student Has All Six Finals Today To Make Finals Week Easier

CAS—Several professors have reportedly rearranged their finals schedules to facilitate the life of overworked computer engineering senior Ralph McDade (ENG ‘16). Instead of distributing his finals across finals week, they have opted to reward his hard work by getting them all out of the way now.“Ralph seems so stressed all the time,” explained one of his professors, Albert Jacobson, “so I got all his teachers together and we agreed he deserved a stress free finals week. No sense in burning him out at the finish line!”McDade’s finals today include Advanced Data Structures, Stochastic Processes, Dynamic Systems Theory, Cybersecurity, Quantum Optics and Build a Fucking Computer From Scratch Right Now.“Now that he’ll have those finals out of the way,” continued Jacobson, “he’ll have plenty of time during finals week to study. Worry free! I wonder if he’ll notice we did that for him.”“I think he noticed,” said Peter Borstead (CAS '16), a friend of McDade, who himself could not be reached for comment.At press time, McDade reportedly pulled two all nighters last night.