Buddhist Students Stage Controversial Meditation in Marsh Plaza

Reports indicate that this week, Buddhist students caused massive controversy after peacefully meditating outside Marsh Chapel. Witnesses say the tranquil, positive energy of the demonstration was very disruptive to campus life.“I’m just trying to go about my day—it’s very disturbing to see people so deeply at peace on Comm Ave while I’m trying to stress about my finals,” explained Math major Tim Richards (CAS ’17) as he hurriedly walked past the floating demonstrators.According to witnesses, the absolute tranquility and total separation from worldly concerns was the most controversial part of the staged meditation.“I understand that everyone has an opinion, but I feel very uncomfortable by how they are expressing theirs,” lamented Taylor Streep (COM ’16). “These people have no right to disturb the public by sitting on the ground and approaching Enlightenment.”The Buddhists were said to be sitting cross-legged with their eyes closed and harmoniously chanting ‘Ummmm’ to the shock and discomfort of witnesses.“God, can’t they be quiet?” spat History Professor Dr. McGill as he watched the demonstrators. “Don’t they have any idea how disturbing their rich, tonal humming… is… Ummmmmmmm…”.At press time, the demonstrators were wreaking havoc by breathing very slowly and rhythmically through their noses.