Sexy Cats Enter Allston To Combat Rat Problem

ALLSTON—This week hundreds of slutty cats are preparing to enter Allston on Halloween, confirmed Boston Mayor Marty Walsh.“In an effort to combat the surging rat population in Allston, hundreds of Boston University students have volunteered their bodies,” announced Walsh. “These students have been instructed to throw on a black crop top, draw whiskers on their face, and bring an appetite.”Similar hunts have been attempted in previous years with varying levels of success.“I only caught two rats last year,” purred Sarah Felid (COM ‘18). “Hopefully this year I’ll be able to at least double my productivity.”Many of the volunteers stated that the Allston rat hunt was a more productive way to find a late night meal after a night of drinking.Frat houses in Allston are attempting to attract as many slutty cats as possible, citing their worse-than-average rat problems.“We stocked up on catnip and bought a litter box in an effort to be more appealing to the felines,” reasoned Colin Shapiro (Questrom ‘17). “We also got a ton of alcohol because, you know, Halloween.”Dean Elmost, not wanting to be miss out on the fun, purchased a tiger for the weekend. President Brown was spotted in Goodwill buying a black crop top to support the cause.At press time, Robert Schulman, a resident of Allston, was planning on staying in on halloween due to his slutty cat allergies.