Sources Report Record Breaking Febreeze Sales In Week Preceding Parents Weekend

CITY CO.—With students in panic mode anticipating the upcoming Parents Weekend at Boston University, there has been an all time record-breaking number of Febreeze Sales in the Greater Boston Area.“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” said Jane Rayon (ENG ’19), whose parents will be arriving tomorrow afternoon. “I tried airing our room out, I tried lighting candles, and I even called a fumigator but they wouldn’t let me guest him in, I knew my only option was Febreeze.”CVS management prepared for this week by stocking up on their Febreeze supply. Sources report that they replaced every aisle in the store with Febreeze, so that when their customers asked where they might be able to find the Febreeze they replied, “Aisle 1, Aisle 2, Aisle 3…really if you just pick anything up in this store it will probably be Febreeze.”“Yeah I’m going to be honest, I’m just trying to cover up the scent of weed in this room,” said Carl Banks (CAS ’17), who just recently moved off campus. “But now it just smells like lemon and weed, which I would normally be pretty content with, but my parents are coming, man.”Parents who have already arrived to Boston University’s campus remain skeptical, but have yet to discover the source of the fresh scent that dominates the campus.“We’re so proud of Carl for doing so well at Boston University,” said Mrs. Banks, “Are you one of his friends? Your parents aren’t here too? Well, you poor thing. Well we would love to take you out to the Cheesecake Factory, you can order anything you want!”At press time, the dying environment reacted to this story saying, “Please stop using aerosol products. You’re killing me.”