Tire Empires Ceasefire, Retire Ire

COMMONWEALTH AVENUE—After spitting fire, escalations higher, and calls of “liar,” the two Upper Comm Ave tire empires have retired their ire and called a ceasefire.“We got out of that mire,” said Myer McGuire, putting away some pliers. “Just before things got dire.”His formal rival, Olivire Dwyer, agreed he was preaching to the choir. “Would-be buyers became deniers which made us criers,” he said while pinning up flyers.“When I retire, in order to leave this to the kids I sire, a ceasefire we would require,” said McGuire.At press time, the empires look to hire well-attired former friars wearing wires with no priors. Inquire at either of the two tire suppliers.