Freshman Feeling “Mighty Jittery” After Doing “The Weed”

WEST CAMPUS—BU student Max Charleston (CAS ‘18) has reported feeling “mighty jittery” and “rather discombobulated” upon smoking marijuana for the first time in his life at a late-night hangout with “fellow rapscallions” on the Charles River Esplanade.“I see what ‘it’ is all about, brother,” Charleston said as he attempted to inhale from the burning end of a joint. “I do say that I would like for this venture to be repeated again in the future.”“FUCK THE POLICE force as an institution of our common society,” Charleston continued in a whisper, looking around to make sure he was out of earshot.Charleston described the experience as a major turning point in his life, noting that the pleasant high from “the cannabis plant” resembled “the vigorous sensations of a midnight slumber, sans slumber.”“Would you desire for me to, um, ‘smoke us out?’” Charleston said as he knocked over a recently purchased bong. “Oh dear me, I suppose I have to pack a ‘blunt’ now, I’m sorry for being ‘blunt’ with you.”“Get it? Blunt? Did you get it?” Charleston continued as he frantically queued Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds” on Spotify.At press time, Charleston was describing his new “rather dope grass stash” in a loud voice to several uninterested girls at a party.